


The World Within-Chapter One

by jeweldancer



Series: The World Within [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amnesia, Depression, F/M, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Thoughts of Suicide, Thoughts of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 22:16:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6628780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeweldancer/pseuds/jeweldancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has decided that his existence is worth fighting for. He manages to expel Lucifer, but the resulting mental trauma induces amnesia. Cas remembers nothing of his life, or of the Winchesters, but he senses that something very important is missing.</p><p>Dean knows he has royally screwed up. If he'd just let Cas know how much he meant to them--to him--then maybe he wouldn't have sacrificed himself. Now Cas is missing, and Dean is desperate to find him and try to repair what may be the best thing he's ever had.</p><p>Sam is tired--of loneliness, constant loss, physical and psychological pain. He says nothing, because Dean needs him right now, but he doesn't know how much more he can take.</p><p>The woman who finds Cas turns out to be unexpectedly important to all of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The World Within-Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, guys. This is pretty much what would happen after episode 11x18 if I were writing it. However, that being said, if I get some details wrong, just bear with me. I'm steering this boat through angst-filled waters to a more satisfying conclusion than we're probably gonna get on the actual show.

(Castiel)

Breathe. Just breathe. 

I woke curled up on the cold, wet ground, weak and disoriented. I did not know how I came here or why. Everything was gone. I was completely empty, save a dull, pounding pain in my chest. 

I had become nothing, and nothing had become me. 

My past had faded away. If I concentrated, I could almost remember, but as soon as my mind caught hold of a memory, it slipped away like a fish in a stream. Gone, with such a light touch you could not be convinced it had ever been there.

Maybe I had never been anything. Maybe I had been created in this very moment, for what purpose I knew not. Maybe I had always been here, a wretched creature groveling in the mud. Maybe I was meant to die here.

I lay there for either hours or centuries, I did not know or care which. I hoped only that someone would pity me, and I could ease into oblivion. There was no reason for me to stay. 

No answers or pity or succor came to me. I had to keep going. Such was my lot. I pushed myself up from the ground. My body was so heavy. It must be the heaviest thing in existence. If I were lucky, I would walk into exhaustion and die. 

I walked until my legs were numb and I was stumbling. No one saw, or cared. When I could hardly put one foot in front of the other, I collapsed onto a bench and prayed for release.

My only answer was the taste of salt and the gentle persistence of the rain.


End file.
